The first day of a new adventure brings with it a range of emotions. This one, however, seemed to arrive empty-handed. Or maybe it didn’t. Maybe I am choosing apathy. Maybe I am choosing to ignore, to be blind, or to turn away. (It certainly wouldn’t be the first day for that.)
The truth is that I have absolutely no idea what these forty days will bring. I wish I could say that I am sitting here full of expectation, but with the disharmony dancing in my mind, I am unable to have clarity of heart. I know that I am not alone. I know that I have never been alone. I know in my heart that God chose me, created me, and has a purpose for me. Great purpose. I also know that I am my own greatest obstacle, complicating things with my emotion, my desires, and my fears.
I spent quite a bit of time today reflecting on God’s will and what exactly that means. Certainly, He doesn’t wish for us to experience agony, to make decisions that go against what He would have for us, or to suffer at the hand of another person. Yet, He allows those things to take place.
This is where I get stuck.
When I make a decision that goes against what He would have me do - be it my disobedience of what is clear in His Word or my negligence in seeking His guidance - and He allows me to walk the consequences of that choice, are the consequences His will? If yes, are they His sovereign will because He chooses whether or not to allow those consequences to come about, or are they His permissive will because He allowed me to sin and subsequently allowed the consequences to follow?
Amidst contemplating this, the Truth woven through the words of Romans 8:28 lead me to a place of rest, as I know that God uses all things - my sin and its ugly consequences included - for good.
Day one brought much more than I anticipated.