I have lived every day with an empty space in my heart. I have felt that negative space deeply. I have cried out to my Abba Father, pleading with Him to restore the faith and trust I had in Him at the beginning of my walk. Because I have still been photographing and writing on occasion, I have been oblivious to what had actually been stolen. I have known there was something major hindering me from regaining that faith and trust, but I haven’t been able to pinpoint what it was.
As the lyrics of a famous hymn sing, but now I see.
As these gifts are rooted in my perspective, losing them had one primary effect on me: blindness. I was clueless that I couldn’t see. Truly, though, I don’t think that is all that uncommon for us…for me.
When I consider not being able to see, the challenges the physically blind face come to mind. It is overwhelming to consider the difficulties they face in everyday life. How do they have that must trust for drivers while crossing busy intersections? What do they do in facilities that only offer staircases? Are blind women unable to wear make-up because they can’t see to apply it? How do they style their hair? In what ways are the blind limited in the workplace? How are they able to write?
I spend far less time considering the difficulties I face in everyday life by my spiritual blindness. I don’t consider how the enemy distracts me from my path. I focus far too much on what is going on around me instead of what is going on within me. I panic instead of considering other routes when the one I face is not possible for me. I don’t easily depend on others to help me do what I am unable to do. And, I either struggle to see my limitations, or they steal the show and distract me from what I should actually be focusing on.
I cannot imagine someone who is physically blind walking around in denial of their condition; there is great imminent danger in that. Yet how often do I walk around in denial of my spiritual blindness? How often do I participate in the depletion of my vision, or put on blinders to shield myself from the Truth?
In order to complete the process, to gain back lost ground, to turn a clap back into applause, I must acknowledge the Truth in the first part of that hymn’s lyric: I was blind.
…but now, I see.